“He’s my brother.” Exploring the value of sibling therapy for healing, reconnection, and navigating family transitions.
The road is long / / But I’m strong / Strong enough to carry him/ He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.
—The Hollies, 1969
When adult siblings enter therapy together, they carry not only active concerns, but also a shared past. Sometimes the past includes fierce competition, arguments, and traumas such as violence, illness, abuse, neglect, addiction, or divorce. Many also carry memories of playing together or supporting one another.
In a world that emphasizes romantic partnerships and parent-child bonds, many of us overlook the potential for healing sibling relationships. Yet, these enduring relationships hold the potential for profound healing.
Why Sibling Bonds Matter—Even in Adulthood
Psychologist Avidan Milevsky describes the unique protective nature of adult sibling relationships. These bonds can be a source of support during challenging moments, such as relationship problems, difficulties with children, illness, or job loss. This potential for supportive love can remain untapped, however, sometimes due to years of tension or emotional distance.
What Brings Siblings to Therapy
Siblings rarely come to therapy when things are going well. More often, something has cracked open—an illness, an estate dispute, a caregiving imbalance, or the death of a parent—and underneath it lies a tangle of old roles, unmet needs, and untold stories.
Karen Gail Lewis, in her book Sibling Therapy, writes: “Adult siblings enter therapy with childhood voices still echoing in their ears—voices that shaped how they see themselves and each other, often without realizing it.” She describes these memories as “ghosts”—frozen images, unspoken loyalties, old injustices—that quietly haunt them.
Therapy offers a chance to name these ghosts and loosen their grip, both to heal each other and other relationships.
What Happens in Sibling Therapy
Therapy can help siblings navigate practical matters—such as caregiving or dividing assets—while also revisiting how each sibling experienced the family and identifying emotional patterns that have lingered. In the process, therapists may help siblings practice transparent and intentional communication. They may also explore how each sibling experienced the emotional impact of experiences such as traumatic events, friction between parents, illness, parental favoritism, or the unequal distribution of family responsibilities.
Therapy can help uncover unspoken rules governing sibling relationships, such as who leads, who displays competence, who apologizes, or who expresses vulnerability. As roles loosen, opportunities open for forgiveness and stronger bonds. The insight gained can also have a positive impact on other relationships.
Increased Connection and Empathy
Not every sibling relationship becomes closer through therapy. Sometimes, the goals may be limited to fostering respect and boundaries. However, in many cases, siblings start to look at each other with curiosity rather than old assumptions, and their relationships begin to transform. The moment one says, “I didn’t know you felt that way,” or “I see now what you were carrying,” increased connection and empathy ensue.
“He ain’t heavy,” the song reminds us. “He’s my brother.” This verse captures the essence of sibling therapy, as loads lighten and opportunities open up to “carry” one another.
A Gentle Invitation
Sibling therapy is not about forcing closeness. It’s about offering space—where people linked by childhood and shaped by the adult world can reflect, speak, and perhaps remember each other with more tenderness.
Sometimes the most potent therapy doesn’t add something new. Sibling therapy can foster a long-term relationship, building understanding and connection, so that each individual can carry the other, with less heaviness and more care.
-Posted by Jonah Green
Jonah Green, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.