Many religious and philosophical traditions speak to the value of forgiveness, and research shows that forgiveness can bring lower anxiety, less depression, more fulfilling relationships, and even improved physical health.
Our natural tendency to focus on justice for those who wronged us, however, can block forgiveness. When others deeply hurt us, our minds may focus on the unfair harm done, especially when our perpetrators refuse to acknowledge their actions or make amends. We may fantasize about them “getting what they deserve” and imagine our relief when their pain “shows them how much they hurt us.” Sometimes we act out our fantasies, leading to further harm.
The Addictive Nature of Grievance
James Kimmel explores these concepts in his book The Science of Revenge. Kimmel examines how emotional hurt can lead to an addictive focus on grievance and revenge. Vengeful feelings activate the brain’s reward system, providing temporary relief, even as our pain remains. Releasing grievance and revenge-seeking, therefore, requires the same practice and emotional retraining as other addictions. His Miracle Court app, a companion to the book, is a tool to do just that.
What is the Miracle Court app?
Miracle Court is an interactive app that mirrors the internal processes of many who struggle with resentment and thoughts of revenge. It invites users to immerse themselves in a mental “courtroom” and guides them through a “legal” process that moves beyond a focus on justice to forgiveness and healing.
Here’s the sequence:
- The Prosecution: You begin by “taking the stand” and making your case, describing the offense and how it harmed you.
- The Defense: Next, you testify as the offender. You describe what you did, your feelings, and the reasons for your actions.
- Verdict and Sentence: You are the judge and deliver a judgment and a sentence, sometimes including an imagined punishment.
- Final Judgment: You finish with a reflection, where you consider the impact of your focus on grievance and revenge, and invite release and healing.
How It Aligns with Research
Miracle Court offers a unique validation of the human need for “justice”, and also aligns with many evidence-based approaches to forgiveness:
- Acknowledgment of Hurt: Users can articulate and validate their wounds, heal shame, and develop self-compassion.
- Awareness of Cost: Reflections on how holding onto grievance affects well-being.
- Perspective-Taking: Through switching roles from prosecution to defense, users can consider the humanity of the offender.
- Choice: Rather than pushing forgiveness, it creates space for voluntary decisions.
- Consistent Practice: The app allows for repetition and the development of new emotional habits.
Imaginative and Interactive
Many understand the value of forgiveness. But when we are deeply hurt, and resentment takes hold, understanding often isn’t enough. Miracle Court offers an imaginative and interactive forgiveness practice that acknowledges the powerful hold of grievance and revenge-seeking.
A Valuable Tool
For those caught in the churn of everyday grievances—the difficult family member, the betrayal of a friend, the coworker who wrongs us—Miracle Court offers a tool for healing. It can complement therapy or trauma processing for those with deep emotional injuries. While encompassing many evidence-based practices for forgiveness, it provides a distinctive approach to releasing what Kimmel calls our “addictive focus” on getting back at those who wronged us.
-Posted by Jonah Green
Jonah Green, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.