Talking to your child about going to therapy can feel daunting. You might be rightly concerned that they could view it as a punishment or a sign that you think there is something “wrong” with them. By approaching the conversation in an attuned and thoughtful way, you might find that your child is more open to it and sees it as a sign of your love and confidence in them.
Choose the Right Time and Space
Find a calm time when you and your child are not rushed or distracted. Don’t have the conversation immediately after misbehavior or “meltdowns.” Make sure it is a time free from power struggles or external demands. The more relaxed the setting, the more comfortable your child will feel.
A quiet moment at the end of the day or during a shared activity, like a walk, may help your child open up without the pressure of a formal “talk.” If your child is still young, consider sitting together and speaking in a way that mirrors the tone and structure of a bedtime story or a comforting conversation.
Demonstrate Attunement and Compassion
Throughout the conversation, demonstrate attunement to their feelings and compassion. Express that you’ve noticed they may have been struggling or feeling upset recently. For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little sad or frustrated lately, and I want you to know I’m here for you. Sometimes, it can feel hard to carry big feelings alone, and that’s OK.” You’ll let them know you care about what they’re going through.
Normalize their Struggles
Let your child know that everyone, no matter how old they are, faces tough times sometimes. Normalize the idea that struggling is part of life and doesn’t mean something “wrong” with them. You could share a story of when you or someone close to them faced a challenge and sought help. “Just like sometimes we all need help with things, it can be helpful to talk to someone who can listen and help us figure things out.”
Therapy as a Helpful Tool
In describing therapy, stress its value as a space where people can talk about their feelings and learn how to feel better. “It’s like having someone who can help you sort through your feelings, someone who knows how to help kids (and grown-ups!) feel better.”
If appropriate, share that other trusted people in their lives – you, a family member, or a close friend – have gone to therapy, decreasing their fear or shame about it. You can also offer to pair therapy with other fun activities, like snacks together after sessions.
A Place to Play, Too
For younger children, therapy is often more play than talk, and they have free reign to express themselves through various expressive activities. Child therapists frequently use games, drawing, or other activities, even with older children. Messages like “You can expect to have some fun” and “You don’t have to talk” can help children feel less pressure.
Offer to Participate
Therapists for children and teens are usually open to including parents in the therapy process. Messages such as “I want support as well” and “It can be an opportunity for us to learn about each other” can feel comforting. If therapy regularly includes you or other family members, you can frame it as a way to “get along better and have more fun.”
Ask What They Want From Therapy
Engage your child by asking what they would like to get out of therapy. “What do you think it would be like to talk to someone? What might you want to talk about with them?” These questions help them feel they have agency and give you valuable insight into their thoughts and feelings. Let them know that it’s OK if they’re not sure initially and that they can explore these questions further with you or the therapist.
Be Open to Their Fears and Concerns
It’s normal for children to have fears or concerns about therapy. Some may worry about being judged or fear the therapist may not understand them, and others may feel embarrassed about attending. Reflect and validate their concerns: “I know you might be nervous about seeing someone new or talking to someone about your feelings. It’s OK to feel that way. Remember, the therapist is there to listen and not judge. You might also reassure them that attending is entirely confidential.
Offer Involvement in Choosing a Therapist
Depending on your child’s developmental stage, consider allowing them to participate in choosing a therapist. You could involve them in an initial meeting or discuss what qualities might make a good therapist for them. “Would you like to help me find someone you think would be a good fit? We can choose together.” They are likely to feel more empowered and less intimidated.
Sometimes, It’s Important to Encourage Participation
You may feel it’s essential for them to try therapy, even if they’re unsure about it. If so, explain why you think it’s worth trying. “I believe it will help you, and we will work together to find the kindest, most supportive person. How about we try it for a few sessions and see how it goes?” Let them know you will support them every step of the way.
Part of Self-Care
Lastly, remind your child that therapy is a process. They don’t have to figure everything out all at once. Encourage them to be patient with themselves and with the process. “It’s OK if it takes time. Talking about feelings and learning new ways to cope is something we can all improve on, step by step.”
By approaching the conversation with love, respect, and understanding, you can help your child feel more comfortable with therapy. It’s a gift to help them build the emotional tools they need to face life’s challenges with confidence, resilience, and a sense of agency.
Jonah Green, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, for clients in Montgomery County, DC, and surrounding areas.
Washington Parent published this piece by Jonah in its May 2025 edition.