Many parents who separate send their children to individual therapy, which can help them process their feelings and cope with new realities. Another option, either in addition to or in place of personal therapy, is family therapy. Because the nuclear family is ending, family therapy for divorcing families may strike parents as an oxymoron. What would be the purpose of helping a separated family communicate and function better? In reality, a divorced family is still a family bound together by children and has many tasks to manage. Separating and divorcing families must process loss, reorganize, establish new patterns of relating, and find new roles and functions for individual family members. Family therapy can be a powerful tool to attend to these tasks.
Preventing problems for children
Divorce therapy plays a crucial role in preventing problems for children. While many children who endure divorce do not develop behavioral or emotional problems, they are at risk for mood and conduct issues and are more likely to experience relationship problems as adults. Children whose families plan separations carefully and whose parents focus on cooperating and communicating are much better able to manage the separation and are at far less risk of developing emotional or behavioral difficulties. Divorce therapy offers proactive support for thoughtful separations.
The Role of Divorce Therapy
Divorce therapy is about managing the tasks of divorce and reorganizing the family for a healthier future. Divorce therapists can help parents separate in a way that minimizes disruption and lessens traumatic effects on children. They work with divorcing couples to manage the legal process so that it proceeds in an orderly manner and maximizes the well-being of all family members. They help separating spouses reshape problematic communication patterns and become effective co-parents, shaping a new and healthier family dynamic.
What Divorce Therapy Looks Like
As families navigate the challenges of separation and divorce, divorce therapists address several crucial family needs. They work with individual “households” to establish order, harmony, and new norms and rituals. They ensure that both parents remain involved positively with their children, empowering them to play an active role in their children’s lives. Therapists may also work with siblings to reduce conflict, adapt to new circumstances, and enhance their skills for supporting each other. They help parents support children in adjusting to their new lives and assist adults as they build new relationships and embark on new endeavors.
Family therapy pioneer Salvador Minuchin famously remarked that divorce was “not the end of a family, but the beginning of a family’s reorganization.” Family therapy can be a valuable tool for this reorganization, and help chart a hopeful future for all family members.
Posted by Jonah Green , the owner and director of Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.