Valentine’s Day is the perfect reminder to “recharge” your relationship with your partner. Just as a car needs fuel to run, so does a relationship. When your relationship feels “empty,” conflicts and disagreements can feel more intense, and words or actions can hit harder.
Lowering the Intensity of Conflict Through Mindfulness
One way to recharge is to reduce the intensity of conflict. Awareness of your communication—what you say and how your partner might receive it—can help reduce impulsive reactions and encourage more thoughtful dialogue. For example, if you’re frustrated because your partner hasn’t helped with household chores, instead of snapping, “You never help around here,” try pausing and saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed with the chores today, and I could use your help.” This approach helps express your feelings without blame, creating space for a more positive conversation.
Filling the Tank with Appreciation
We celebrate our children’s milestones—first words, steps, bike rides. As adults, we often forget to celebrate our partner similarly. Acknowledging your partner’s actions and words can make them feel valued, seen, and heard. Instead of a simple “thank you,” try being specific and heartfelt. For example:
- “I felt cared about when you did the dishes. It means so much to me when you help around the house.”
Expressing appreciation—like feeling loved, respected, or peaceful—can mean much to your partner. It helps keep your emotional tank full, making it easier to handle conflicts with more balance. When you balance the negative with the positive, communication improves, and emotional intimacy deepens inside and outside the bedroom.
Taking “Time-Outs”
When conversations get heated, it can help to take a break. Try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and because I care about you and our relationship, I think I need a time-out to center myself.” A 20-minute break can reduce tension. Then, check in to see if you can resume the conversation.
Prioritize Your Relationship: Date Nights
Life gets busy with children and responsibilities, but regular date nights are crucial for staying connected. Whether weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, these moments are for you and your partner to focus solely on each other. Avoid talking about the kids or household logistics—this is about reconnecting, a time you and your partner can look forward to.
I’ve offered several options for recharging the relationship. Even trying one or two can reduce conflict and increase feelings of joy, appreciation, and love between you and your partner. So try a couple of these ideas–and happy Valentine’s Day!
-Posted by Jennifer Firestone, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC
Jonah Green and Associates, LLC provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, for clients in Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and surrounding areas.