When people seek therapy during times like these, they often assume they are “not handling it well.” They wonder why they feel anxious, sad, angry, or uncertain—even when the change is something they wanted. Recognizing these reactions as normal can help reduce self-judgment and foster self-compassion.

In reality, these reactions are often exactly what we would expect.

There Is No “Right” Way to Feel.

Most transitions bring mixed emotions. Relief may exist alongside grief. Excitement may coexist with fear. Even positive changes involve letting go of the familiar.

Rather than asking yourself whether your feelings are reasonable, it can be more helpful to become curious about them. What are they telling you? What are you afraid of losing? What matters so much that this transition has touched it?

Our emotions often point toward the people, roles, relationships, and values that have been important to us.

We Naturally Hold On to What Feels Safe

When life changes, most of us try to regain our footing as quickly as possible. We search for certainty, replay decisions, imagine worst-case scenarios, or wish things could simply go back to the way they were.

These responses are understandable. They are usually attempts to protect ourselves.

The challenge is that no amount of worrying can eliminate uncertainty. Sometimes the most healing step is not finding immediate answers, but gradually becoming more able to live with questions that have not yet been resolved. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, or seeking support can help build this resilience.

Small Steps Matter

Major transitions can feel overwhelming. Looking too far ahead often increases anxiety.

Instead, it can help to ask a simpler question:

What is one step I can take today?

That step may be making a phone call, updating a résumé, reaching out to a friend, returning to a familiar routine, or simply getting outside for a walk.

Small actions rarely solve everything, but they remind us that we are not powerless.

Relationships Help Us Find Our Way

Periods of change are easier to navigate when we do not face them alone.

Being with someone who listens without rushing to solve the problem can help us organize our own thoughts and emotions. Often, we become clearer simply because someone has taken the time to understand our experience.

Whether that support comes from family, friends, a faith community, or a therapist, feeling understood can make uncertainty much easier to bear and help you feel less alone.

Transitions Invite Reflection

Although transitions are disruptive, they also invite us to pause.

What matters most?

What kind of relationships do I want to cultivate?

What do I hope my life reflects going forward?

These questions rarely have immediate answers, and that’s okay. They are less about making dramatic changes than about becoming more intentional as life unfolds.

Moving Forward

Most transitions do not resolve quickly. There are often periods when little seems to be happening, even though important emotional work is taking place beneath the surface.

Looking back, many people discover that they became more compassionate, more grounded, or more connected to what truly matters—not because the transition was easy, but because they allowed themselves to move through it rather than around it. Reflecting on these insights can foster a sense of personal growth and resilience.

While we cannot prevent change, approaching it with patience rather than urgency can help you feel more reassured and confident in your ability to navigate uncertainty.

-Posted by Lori Rothfeld, JD, LMSW

Lori is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, a practice that provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Navigating Transitions: Making Sense of Change appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

At the urging of a friend, Cheryl began therapy six months ago, reporting an increase in irritability and a decrease in motivation. She added that she had noticed this increase shortly after her husband was diagnosed with cancer. Because her husband was so ill, Cheryl became his caregiver, tending to his and her children’s needs. Cheryl felt isolated and overwhelmed and reported having severe headaches; her doctors ruled out medical causes.

With the help of her therapist, Cheryl came to recognize that, even though her husband was still alive, she was struggling with “anticipatory grief.” Cheryl was also grieving a secondary loss- the loss of “the way her life was.” Rather than enjoying a busy life with her husband, Cheryl had to be in the mother and father role with her children and continue to work and care for her dying husband. Her husband’s family added to her stress, for they did not respect the necessary boundaries she tried to implement. Cheryl revealed that she felt like a “failure” because she could not change anything.

Burnout

Individuals experience many losses throughout their lives. With everybody’s needs and conflicting demands, burnout rates are high. Caregivers may develop symptoms of depression and anxiety, a decrease in the ability to sleep, an increase in irritability and cynicism, and even a lack of satisfaction in daily activities. Their “burnout” is often a result of both prolonged and intense grief and overwhelming responsibilities.

Many individuals who experience burnout say, “I just don’t care anymore,” and often feel guilty for thinking this way. They may neglect their responsibilities through absenteeism, inferior work performance, or lack of attendance to their family’s needs.

Self-Care Strategies

1. Asking for help. Cheryl’s first step towards self-care was asking for it. When she admitted to others that she felt overwhelmed and powerless, they encouraged her to go to therapy. During treatment, the therapist explored, processed, and validated Cheryl’s feelings, helping her recognize that she had caregiver burnout and helping her develop healthy coping skills. 
2. Reframing Thoughts. It is helpful for the caregiver to focus on what they can control rather than what they cannot control. Cheryl was unable to control her husband’s illness, her new situation, or the challenges with her husband’s family. What she could control was her reaction. 
3. Breaking down big tasks into small, achievable goals. Cheryl’s therapist encouraged her to list what she needed to work on, do one item at a time, and recognize and celebrate “small victories.” 
4. Accepting help and setting boundaries. Caregivers can practice saying “yes” to help and “no” to additional demands. 
5. Prioritizing health. Cheryl admitted she was not eating well; she would grab something in the mornings and often skip lunch. Cheryl admitted that she sits by her husband all day long. The therapist encouraged her to prioritize diet, exercise, and sleep. 
6. Join a support group. Sitting with others who are experiencing similar situations can be validating. They can help with isolation and provide coping strategies for complicated feelings and situations.

Caring for others can be rewarding and detrimental to one’s mental, physical, and emotional health. If you are a caregiver, recognize burnout symptoms and seek help. We cannot be helpful to others if we do not care for ourselves.

Posted by Heidi Cohen LCSW-C 

Heidi is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Self-Care Strategies for Grief and Burnout appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

Every year my in-laws, the Gundersons, host the Gundy Undie Run. The premise is that friends and family who are brave enough run a race in the dark, cold night on Christmas Eve… wearing only their underwear. It’s a tradition that brings some fun and humor to the holidays. The holidays are supposed to be filled with joy and celebration, right? However, for people who have lost loved ones, the excitement of the holidays can often be accompanied by feelings of sadness and loneliness.

It’s understandable that the holidays would be a difficult time for people who have lost someone: it is a time of gathering together and the absence of a loved one can be more obvious than during other times of the year. That reminder can bring back waves of grief, which color how people view the holidays. There may also be pressure to feel happy and grateful or pretend that everything is OK or normal. That kind of pressure often backfires and leads to more sadness. If you or a loved one are among those feeling down this holiday season because you have lost someone, here are some ideas to survive the holidays, and possibly even bring some joy to the season.

1. Talk about it.

It is normal to have some bitter feelings along with the sweet around holidays when you have lost someone. That person’s absence will become the elephant in the room, so you may as well acknowledge it in helpful ways. Expressing difficult feelings around loss can help you feel less isolated and can give you opportunities to strengthen relationships. Share with a close friend or family member what you are going through and what the holiday season is like without your loved one. It can be helpful to talk with others who are also grieving your loved one.

Another way to talk about your experience is to express a tribute to your loved one, verbally at a gathering or through social media. Expressing difficult feelings often leads to remembering the positive experiences you had with your loved one, which brings back some warm feelings. If talking or posting on social media are not your thing, writing a letter to your lost loved one can be an outlet for your grief. Write to them what you miss about them this time of year and about the joyful memories you have of being together during the holidays.

2. Participate in spiritual or religious practices.

If you or your loved one have ever had a spiritual practice or a religious tradition, participating in the rituals that come with the holidays can help you feel closer to the person you have lost. For example, if you always went to church with your father on Christmas Eve while he was alive, going to church can bring back some of those positive feelings and be a tribute to his memory. If a departed loved one used a special recipe to make potato latkes or sufganiyot during Hanukkah, preparing these same foods can help you feel closer to them. Returning to spiritual connections and religious traditions can help you process the grief you are experiencing this season.

3. Discuss any changes to family traditions in advance.

We all find comfort and joy in our favorite holiday traditions. Losing a family member or close family friend can change the logistics of holiday celebrations, or you might be worried about bringing up sad memories if you continue the normal traditions. It’s important to have a conversation with your family about making changes to the traditions. Giving family members and close friends time to prepare for changes can ease the shift to new traditions.

4. Memorialize your lost loved one.

Again, instead of having your loved one’s absence be an elephant in the room, think of a way to represent their presence. Try being creative on your own or with your family to come up with a memorial, ritual, or new tradition that acknowledges your loss. If you always have a big family dinner for the holidays, set a place at the table for your loved one, perhaps with flowers on the plate. Place a picture of your loved one or an article that he or she cherished nearby. Sing your loved one’s favorite song. Include family members and others who may also be grieving your lost loved one. Your loved one may be gone, but he or she is not forgotten.

The post Coping With Grief During the Holidays appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

The month of August is often full of transition for families all across the country. New graduates spanning from Kindergarten to Graduate/Professional School are preparing to start new phases of their life journeys. I am one of them! In May, I earned my PhD in Family Science from the University of Maryland, College Park and relocated in August for postdoctoral work at the University of Michigan. While these transitions can be full of hope and excitement for the graduates and their families, they also can be full of fear and sadness as the familiar is left behind in pursuit of promising new opportunities. Yet, as the anticipated change approaches, we often take for granted the grief that can accompany transition. As preparations are made to facilitate a smooth start, it is also important to invest attention toward creating healthy separations from the people, places, and things that may be parted with in the process. Below are a few suggestions to help create a healthy goodbye:

1)      Avoid Avoidance: Let’s face it. Not many of us like goodbyes. They often mark experiences of loss and grief and can be very uncomfortable. Consequently, in an effort to protect ourselves from this discomfort, we allow ourselves to avoid the reality of the transition. While this may provide temporary relief, it can make the separation more difficult and it can create lasting negative impacts in the relationship with the self and others.

2)      Acknowledge and process emotion: Allow yourself (and your family members and friends) permission to name and experience the emotion attached to the transition. Events of transition and separation can elicit a whirlwind of emotions including joy, excitement, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, sadness, relief, etc. Give a name to how you are feeling and explore what’s connected to that emotion. Anger can often flare up in relationships during transition. After all, it can be far easier to leave a person behind if you’re mad with them. However, anger is typically a signal to a more vulnerable emotion below the surface (e.g. fear or sadness). If you find yourself on the receiving end of anger, particularly from a teen, try to move beyond the anger to uncover and acknowledge any deeper emotions present.

3)      Remember the good: Transitions can be a time of reflection. Make time for introspection or journaling to intentionally consider the positive moments and personal or familial growth that took place in the experience you are exiting. This can also be done interpersonally to reflect on the positives within relationships with others. Doing this will engender gratitude and appreciation and will inspire you to create more of these experiences going forward.

4)      Learn from the difficult: Moments of transition can also bring to mind painful moments that occurred in the experience you are exiting. Spending too much time simply reflecting on the negative can elicit feelings of resentment or guilt. Instead of simply ruminating on the negative, consider the lessons learned from these experiences. Use them to inspire growth and a commitment to positive change as you crossover into the new experience.

5)      Forgive the bad: Relatedly, when possible, forgive yourself and others for mistakes of the past. Forgiveness does not equate to forgetting an offense or absolving the offender of responsibility for hurting you; however, it can provide emotional liberation from the choices of others. Good medical and scientific research also demonstrates that forgiveness can set you on a path to mental and physical health and well-being, long-term.

6)      Take care of relationships: When transitioning, particularly transitions that require geographic separation, do your best to provide advance notice to others of your anticipated change. This is important because it allows time for the people in your life to process their grief about the separation with you. Although this can be tempting to avoid, granting others space to acknowledge and process their emotion with you can position you to continue a positive connection going forward. When possible, make time to have quality moments of connection with your friends and family prior to the transition.

7)      Clarify Expectations for Communication: Communicate prior to the transition about personal expectations of how often and through what mechanisms (e.g. Skype, phone call, text message, email, written letter, social media, etc.) you will remain in touch post-transition. Touching base about this prior to the separation can prevent unnecessary misunderstandings, miscommunications, or conflict. Once clarified, allow flexibility for changes or adaptations as needed.

Goodbyes can be hard, but they can happen in a healthy way. Creating healthy goodbyes now is critical to creating and maintaining healthy relationships with the self and others in the future. These mentioned suggestions can position you to co-create healthy goodbyes in your life. If you are struggling to co-create a healthy transition in your life or with your family, a trusted clinician can help you navigate this process. It has been my joy to serve as a clinician at Jonah Green and Associates for the past two years. I wish you many days of health and wellness to come!

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What is loss?

Loss is a separation from someone or something you love or cherish. Losses can be physical (ex: death of a loved one) or symbolic (ex: romantic breakup or school change). Although the information described below will focus on the death of a loved one, it is import to acknowledge that teens experience many symbolic losses during adolescence (ex: termination of friendships, geographic moves, etc.). In order to offer genuine support, it is important that parents also acknowledge these losses as potentially painful experiences that adolescents may grieve.

What do teens understand about death?

Most adolescents have developed the ability to think abstractly. Therefore, usually they can grasp the concept of death as a permanent, irreversible, and universal experience that happens to all people. However, because teenagers have not fully developed long-term thinking skills, teens may still consider themselves immortal and invincible. Therefore, losing a loved can shake up a teen’s worldview and may prompt teens to question their own mortality. This may be especially true if a peer dies, as the death of a young person is typically unexpected.

What is grief?

Grief is a normal process that includes our reactions to loss. These reactions can be experienced and expressed physically, spiritually, psychologically, emotionally, behaviorally, and socially. Our reactions to grief: 1) help us to release the pain of our loss, 2) occur as we adjust to our lives without a loved one, and 3) help us to construct meaning around our experiences of loss.

What do grief reactions look like in teenagers?

It is important for parents to realize that grief may look different in teenagers than in adults. Each teen grieves uniquely and it is possible that two teenagers in the same family may have unparalleled grief responses to the same loss. For example, after the death of a grandparent one teenager may become noncompliant with family rules and have difficulty concentrating in school, and the other may become increasingly responsible and demonstrate improved academic achievement. This is normal and each teen’s grief response deserves acknowledgment and empathy. How a teen responds to the death of a loved one may shift depending on: 1) their emotional level of maturity; 2) their relationship with the deceased; 3) their previous experiences with death and, 4) the nature of the death (anticipated or unexpected).

Below is a list of commonly noted physical, emotional, and psychosocial grief responses teenagers may experience:

• Emotional Reactions: sadness, anger, irritability, guilt, loneliness, turmoil, relief, numbness, helplessness, or feeling abandoned

• Physical Reactions: sweating, nausea, racing heart, tightness in chest, vomiting, no energy, stomachaches, headaches, and bedwetting

• Psychosocial Reactions: Denial, repression, depression, lots of questions or no questions about the death, withdrawal from family, more apt to talk to people outside family, risky behaviors (ex: drug/alcohol use, reckless driving, sexual promiscuity)

What can I do to support healthy grieving in my teen?

1) Permit teens to grieve and model healthy grieving behaviors: Often times, well-intentioned parents try to encourage teens by placing unfair expectations on them such as “be strong” that can restrict how a teen grieves. Parental statements such as “he was just a classmate” also minimize a teen’s grief experience. You can encourage healthy grieving in your teen by letting them know it is okay to show that they are affected by the death of the loved one. Reassure your teen that each of us grieves differently and encourage your teen to find his/her own way to respond to the loss. Model healthy grieving behavior as teens will model you.

2) Listen, accept, encourage, and observe: Teens may be struggling to manage a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts after the death of a loved one. Let your teen know that you are there to talk with them about any thoughts, questions, or feelings they may have about the loss. Be accepting of how a teen feels and validate that emotional experience, even if it may be different than your own. Remain empathic and nonjudgmental. Do not force a teen to talk about the loss if they are not comfortable. Keep an eye out for signs of distress or danger. If your teen exhibits signs of unhealthy coping behaviors, seek professional support.

3) Help your teen find ways to express grief: Many teens prefer to “do” rather than to “talk”. Help your teen find creative ways to express grief such as creating a photo album (physical or virtual) to celebrate their memories with the deceased, journaling, or artistic expression (music, dance, drawing or painting, etc.). Allow your teen to have some choice in which formal grief rituals (ex: funerals) they want to participate in and prepare them for what they might experience during the ritual. Create family rituals that you can do together to celebrate the life of the deceased (ex: planting a memorial tree, candle lighting ceremony, etc.).

4) Maintain consistency with family rules and routines: Death and grief reactions can cause a teen to feel out of control. Teens may test the boundaries and limits. However, it is important to maintain the established limits and consequences—this provides a sense of safety and security in teens.

5) Connect your teen with support groups outside of your family: Your teen may feel more comfortable talking with other teens in a grief group. This can provide a sense of community and help teens know they are not alone. Lastly, help your teen connect with a mental health therapist who can help them process the loss and grieve.

Loss and grief can be difficult to navigate for parents and teens. Remembering these guidelines can help you to support your teenager in their journey to grieve and heal.

References & Resources for Parents:

http://www.wendtcenter.org/
http://childgrief.org/teenspage.htm
http://www.livestrong.com/article/153240-grieving-process-for-teenagers/

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