Guidelines for Effective Family Meetings

The following guidelines can help set the foundation for productive and engaging discussions:

1. Establish a Regular Time and Place

Holding meetings at the same time and place fosters continuity, encourages participation, and allows family members to prepare in advance.

2. Minimize Distractions

Turn off electronics, put phones on silent, and create a space where everyone can focus on the discussion.

3. Encourage But Don’t Require Attendance

Mandatory attendance can create resistance. Instead, allow natural consequences to reinforce participation—family members who miss meetings may need to go along with decisions made in their absence.

4. Set Ground Rules Together

Establishing agreed-upon rules promotes a respectful and inclusive atmosphere. Rules might include speaking without interruption and showing respect for all viewpoints.

5. Parents Guide, But Don’t Dictate

Parents should set a positive tone but avoid acting as authoritarian figures. Instead of punishing poor behavior, redirect conversations and offer engaging tasks, such as allowing younger children to color while listening. Initially, parents can facilitate the meeting, but other family members may take on leadership roles over time.

6. Begin and End on a Positive Note

Start meetings by recognizing positive achievements or sharing jokes. End on an uplifting note, whether through giving compliments, offering encouragement, or engaging in a short game.

7. Ensure Everyone Has a Role

Encourage all family members to participate by assigning roles such as note-taker, timekeeper, chairperson, or snack preparer. Non-verbal participants can still contribute through these responsibilities.

8. Adapt to Individual Needs

Younger children may require shorter meetings or interactive tasks to maintain engagement. Older children and teens may appreciate having a more significant role in discussions.

9. Follow an Agenda

A structured agenda keeps meetings focused. Topics might include reviewing recent positive events, planning vacations, discussing chores, or problem-solving conflicts. Keeping a running list of issues on the refrigerator can help family members contribute ideas in advance.

10. Practice Active Listening

Demonstrating understanding by reflecting or summarizing statements helps family members feel heard and valued. Active listening enhances connection and ensures productive dialogue.

11. Engage in Structured Problem-Solving

Once the family is comfortable with meetings, use them to resolve conflicts. Avoid assigning blame and encourage collaborative problem-solving, ensuring everyone participates in solutions.

12. Strive for Consensus in Decision-Making

Consensus-building involves finding solutions that work for everyone rather than simply voting, which can leave some members feeling unheard. Some decisions, such as curfews, may remain with parents while incorporating children’s input.

13. Resolve Deadlocks Constructively

Brainstorm or table discussions for future meetings to prevent frustrating stalemates. These strategies ensure progress without frustration.

14. Keep Meetings Short and Frequent

Short, regular meetings are more effective than long, infrequent ones. Begin with 20-minute sessions and extend to 30 minutes as the family gains experience.

A Tool for Every Family

Family meetings are beneficial for all types of families, including single-parent households, stepfamilies, and those with foster children. By fostering unity, improving communication, and enhancing decision-making, these meetings empower family members to understand each other better and develop skills to serve them throughout their lives. They provide a platform where individuals can voice their opinions and contribute to the family’s decisions, creating a space to feel heard, valued, and engaged.

Posted by Jonah Green, the owner and director of Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

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At the urging of a friend, Cheryl began therapy six months ago, reporting an increase in irritability and a decrease in motivation. She added that she had noticed this increase shortly after her husband was diagnosed with cancer. Because her husband was so ill, Cheryl became his caregiver, tending to his and her children’s needs. Cheryl felt isolated and overwhelmed and reported having severe headaches; her doctors ruled out medical causes.

With the help of her therapist, Cheryl came to recognize that, even though her husband was still alive, she was struggling with “anticipatory grief.” Cheryl was also grieving a secondary loss- the loss of “the way her life was.” Rather than enjoying a busy life with her husband, Cheryl had to be in the mother and father role with her children and continue to work and care for her dying husband. Her husband’s family added to her stress, for they did not respect the necessary boundaries she tried to implement. Cheryl revealed that she felt like a “failure” because she could not change anything.

Burnout

Individuals experience many losses throughout their lives. With everybody’s needs and conflicting demands, burnout rates are high. Caregivers may develop symptoms of depression and anxiety, a decrease in the ability to sleep, an increase in irritability and cynicism, and even a lack of satisfaction in daily activities. Their “burnout” is often a result of both prolonged and intense grief and overwhelming responsibilities.

Many individuals who experience burnout say, “I just don’t care anymore,” and often feel guilty for thinking this way. They may neglect their responsibilities through absenteeism, inferior work performance, or lack of attendance to their family’s needs.

Self-Care Strategies

1. Asking for help. Cheryl’s first step towards self-care was asking for it. When she admitted to others that she felt overwhelmed and powerless, they encouraged her to go to therapy. During treatment, the therapist explored, processed, and validated Cheryl’s feelings, helping her recognize that she had caregiver burnout and helping her develop healthy coping skills. 
2. Reframing Thoughts. It is helpful for the caregiver to focus on what they can control rather than what they cannot control. Cheryl was unable to control her husband’s illness, her new situation, or the challenges with her husband’s family. What she could control was her reaction. 
3. Breaking down big tasks into small, achievable goals. Cheryl’s therapist encouraged her to list what she needed to work on, do one item at a time, and recognize and celebrate “small victories.” 
4. Accepting help and setting boundaries. Caregivers can practice saying “yes” to help and “no” to additional demands. 
5. Prioritizing health. Cheryl admitted she was not eating well; she would grab something in the mornings and often skip lunch. Cheryl admitted that she sits by her husband all day long. The therapist encouraged her to prioritize diet, exercise, and sleep. 
6. Join a support group. Sitting with others who are experiencing similar situations can be validating. They can help with isolation and provide coping strategies for complicated feelings and situations.

Caring for others can be rewarding and detrimental to one’s mental, physical, and emotional health. If you are a caregiver, recognize burnout symptoms and seek help. We cannot be helpful to others if we do not care for ourselves.

Posted by Heidi Cohen LCSW-C 

Heidi is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

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“We can imagine together, create a story that changes the view
For a brighter tomorrow with loved ones
who understand you.”

Jorgensen is right. Family therapy can create an environment for people to express and hear each others’ heartfelt feelings and serve as a reservoir of healing for families in pain and anguish. It holds the promise of transforming relationships in families grappling with conflict or frayed ties, addiction, trauma, grief, mental health concerns, and more. As trust and emotional safety develop in the therapy space through conversation, experiential exercises, and play, wounds can heal, and families can cohere and establish more meaningful connections. Positive effects can resonate for years.

For all its promise, family therapy can be challenging to access. The lack of available therapists and family members’ different schedules can complicate scheduling. Many insurance plans offer less coverage for family therapy, further limiting accessibility.

In addition to these barriers, family members may have concerns about the prospect of family therapy, which can lead to reluctance. Many fear others may expose their behavior in a shaming or unflattering way. Others may worry an environment where individuals “get their feelings out” may create interactions that lead to more hurt, conflict, or relationship deterioration. Some may feel that family problems have gone on for so long that they have little hope for improvement and see family therapy as a “waste of time.” Others may sincerely believe that the solution to disharmony lies solely in others (“He just needs to stop drinking!”) and see family therapy as adding little value.

Practical Steps to Overcome Barriers

If you’re considering family therapy, here are practical steps to take with your family that address these barriers:

1. Acknowledge concerns as valid. The truth is, family therapy can result in increased shame or embarrassment, it can result in more conflict or deterioration, there may be reasons for little hope, and sometimes problems indeed spring more from one individual than others. Ensure you clarify that others “have a point” even as you express your belief in the value of family treatment.
2.  Ensure a “good fit.” Read therapists’ bios and reviews and solicit referrals from those you trust. Ask prospective therapists if they have specific training or experience working with families like yours. Offer other family members the chance to speak with the therapist so you can come to a consensus on who may work.
3. Emphasize Goal-Focused Nature. Family therapy is inherently goal-focused and less likely to be “open-ended” than individual therapy. Remind people that they can raise concerns about the treatment with the therapist, alleviating pressure and anxiety about entering the work.
4. Encourage voluntary participation. Don’t make it mandatory. Encourage everyone’s participation, but start going with the family members that want to go. If others see that therapy is helpful, they may join in.

As Jorgensen’s piece eloquently conveys, family therapy can foster new “stories,” more understanding, and deeper ties. With these approaches, you can increase your family’s chances of accessing quality treatment, leading to “a brighter tomorrow with loved ones that understand you.”

-Posted by Jonah Green, LCSW-C, the owner and director of Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Accessing Family Therapy: A Pathway to Healing and Stronger Bonds appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

If you are a parent of minors and this scene doesn’t sound familiar, chances are you have your own stories of thwarted efforts to curb your children’s screen use.  Most experts and parents agree that too much screen time harms kids, but it sometimes feels too hard when enforcing limits results in endless complaining, tantrums, defiance, knock-down-drag-out-fights, or all of the above. 

When the goal is connection and tearing the screens out of your kids’ hands feels like it’s doing more to tear you apart than bring you together, consider how you might use screens in the service of family bonding. Here are some suggestions:

• Have a family competition to find the funniest pet video;
• Create a funny family video to share with extended family and friends; 
• Have your kids teach you how to play their favorite video game and then conduct a family round-robin tournament;
• Learn something new. Pull up a Youtube video on how to cook, code, dance, craft, or build something and tackle it together;
• Have everyone share one device to play a game app such as Heads Up, Words with Friends, Bounden, Mad Libs, or Psych!;
• Add a digital twist to a traditional board game. For example, play Scrabble and give each player 60 seconds to look up words online when it’s their turn;
• Create a digital family photo album, scrapbook, or vision board;
• Play the Wikipedia game: Use the random article link to choose two articles and compete to see who can get from the first article to the last using the fewest number of links;
• Do a virtual scavenger hunt or a virtual escape room. Click here for a list of kid-friendly scavenger hunt apps. Click here for a list of family-friendly digital escape rooms, some of which are free;
• Host a family trivia night using the “Jeopardy!” app;
• Go on a walk outside and let your kids learn about the vegetation you see along the way by using a plant identification app

At times and places, taking the screens away is worth the struggle; but when the lure of screens is too much, joining and using them to connect can rejuvenate family relationships.

-Posted by Abigail Schwartz, LCSW-C

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I can’t hardly get out of bed, I can’t hardly clear my head

Of last night’s spinning, smokey memories

I call in sick to work, I tell ‘em my whole body hurts

Yeah, I think this drinkin’ just might be the death of me.

Towards the end of the song, we realize that the singer is not a drinker; instead, these ill effects are due to her partner’s drinking:

I swear that every bottle you bring home

Leaves me feeling that much more alone…

No, I never touch the stuff, but, honey, I’ll tell you what

You can’t count all the ways it touches me 

As McKenna’s song graphically illustrates,  the tragedy and disruption accompanying compulsive or destructive behaviors or the use of substances can devastate individuals, families, and loved ones. People with addiction may neglect caretaking, vocational, and other responsibilities; they may withdraw emotionally, lash out verbally or physically, and get in legal trouble. Family members may experience painful anger, hurt, loneliness, and anxiety and have problems functioning. They often live in despair of meeting their needs or fear what may happen next. Loved ones may even develop unhealthy coping behaviors; others may unwittingly enable addiction, often out of the desire to avoid conflict.  

But just as they suffer from addiction, family members can be crucial to healing. The love, compassion, and insight of loved ones can powerfully influence the recovery of those with addiction. Family therapy, often used in conjunction with other interventions, can help families break cycles of behavior that are a part of addiction and provide a forum for relationship healing.

Here is what families can expect from family therapy when addiction is involved:

A Focus on the Family as a Whole

In the face of crises such as addiction, families often focus on one or more family members as “the problem.” The family therapist will instead focus on cycles of behavior and communication that sustain negative behaviors and interactions and emphasize each family member’s resilience and strength.

A Forum for Everyone

Family members often have conflicting views about the nature and extent of the family’s problems. Some may think there is “no problem” and that other family members are “exaggerating;” others may maintain that people in the family are “in denial.” Rather than taking sides, the family therapist will help family members clarify their thoughts and feelings and hear others’ thoughts and feelings. 

Young children, too, may be able to participate. While it may not be appropriate for them to take part in every session, therapy can be a place for them to share their feelings about the impact of addiction through words, art, or activities. 

A Focus on Patterns of Interactions

Family therapy starts with the premise that problems, including addiction, are not only centered within individuals but also in the interaction between them. The therapist will help family members examine patterns of behaviors and communication that sustain addiction and other problems and work with families to modify them to generate healing and understanding.

An Emphasis on Strengths and Solutions

Families entering therapy may rightly fear that the therapists may pin the problems on them as the “addict” or “enabler.” Family therapists will develop a forum for people to address challenging issues. Still, they will also identify and amplify each member’s strengths and the aspects of relationships that are supportive and healing, thus reducing defensiveness, raising morale, and charting a path toward positive change. 

Support for Effective Communication

When addiction is present, families often engage in blame in an attempt to express feelings and solve problems. Family therapists help family members to reduce blame, acknowledge others’ points of view, and express their thoughts and feelings with “I-statements.” With the therapist’s help, phrases such as “You never listen to me” may express themselves as “I know I can be tough with you at times, but I’m worried, and I want you to hear me.”  

A Space for Healing

As McKenna shows, addiction can devastate family relationships. Toward the song’s end, she points a way out: 

“The book I’ve been reading says we need to work this out. We need to talk about our problems if we got ‘em.” 

Family therapy can be a tool not only for helping individuals beat addiction but can provide a place to talk to heal wounds and rebuild supportive, caring relationships.

-Posted by Jonah Green

The post A Shared Space for Healing: Family Therapy for Addiction appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.