When people seek therapy during times like these, they often assume they are “not handling it well.” They wonder why they feel anxious, sad, angry, or uncertain—even when the change is something they wanted. Recognizing these reactions as normal can help reduce self-judgment and foster self-compassion.

In reality, these reactions are often exactly what we would expect.

There Is No “Right” Way to Feel.

Most transitions bring mixed emotions. Relief may exist alongside grief. Excitement may coexist with fear. Even positive changes involve letting go of the familiar.

Rather than asking yourself whether your feelings are reasonable, it can be more helpful to become curious about them. What are they telling you? What are you afraid of losing? What matters so much that this transition has touched it?

Our emotions often point toward the people, roles, relationships, and values that have been important to us.

We Naturally Hold On to What Feels Safe

When life changes, most of us try to regain our footing as quickly as possible. We search for certainty, replay decisions, imagine worst-case scenarios, or wish things could simply go back to the way they were.

These responses are understandable. They are usually attempts to protect ourselves.

The challenge is that no amount of worrying can eliminate uncertainty. Sometimes the most healing step is not finding immediate answers, but gradually becoming more able to live with questions that have not yet been resolved. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, or seeking support can help build this resilience.

Small Steps Matter

Major transitions can feel overwhelming. Looking too far ahead often increases anxiety.

Instead, it can help to ask a simpler question:

What is one step I can take today?

That step may be making a phone call, updating a résumé, reaching out to a friend, returning to a familiar routine, or simply getting outside for a walk.

Small actions rarely solve everything, but they remind us that we are not powerless.

Relationships Help Us Find Our Way

Periods of change are easier to navigate when we do not face them alone.

Being with someone who listens without rushing to solve the problem can help us organize our own thoughts and emotions. Often, we become clearer simply because someone has taken the time to understand our experience.

Whether that support comes from family, friends, a faith community, or a therapist, feeling understood can make uncertainty much easier to bear and help you feel less alone.

Transitions Invite Reflection

Although transitions are disruptive, they also invite us to pause.

What matters most?

What kind of relationships do I want to cultivate?

What do I hope my life reflects going forward?

These questions rarely have immediate answers, and that’s okay. They are less about making dramatic changes than about becoming more intentional as life unfolds.

Moving Forward

Most transitions do not resolve quickly. There are often periods when little seems to be happening, even though important emotional work is taking place beneath the surface.

Looking back, many people discover that they became more compassionate, more grounded, or more connected to what truly matters—not because the transition was easy, but because they allowed themselves to move through it rather than around it. Reflecting on these insights can foster a sense of personal growth and resilience.

While we cannot prevent change, approaching it with patience rather than urgency can help you feel more reassured and confident in your ability to navigate uncertainty.

-Posted by Lori Rothfeld, JD, LMSW

Lori is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, a practice that provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

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What is self-compassion?

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate rather than ignoring our pain or beating ourselves up with self-criticism. Dr. Neff has identified three main components of self-compassion: 

1. Self-kindness (showing kindness rather than criticism towards oneself under challenging times)
2. Common humanity (recognizing imperfection and suffering as a shared human experience) 
3. Mindfulness (observing one’s thoughts and emotions without judgment and without attempts to ignore or exaggerate our experience).

Here are some practical ways to practice self-compassion:

Think about what you would say to a friend who is having a difficult time. Most of us can offer compassion to others, yet we find it difficult or unnatural to show kindness to ourselves. Alternatively, think about what a compassionate, kind friend would say to you and channel their compassion into your self-talk. Try saying to yourself, “this is hard. I am learning a new skill, and it takes time to form a new habit”. Or, “change takes time and is not linear. Setbacks are a natural part of progress”. 

Keep a self-compassion journal. Journaling correlates with improvement in mental health and goal achievement. Set aside a few minutes each day to write about a challenging experience you had. First, record your feelings and thoughts and refrain from judgment (“I feel like a bad parent because I was overly critical of my child”). Then, write down how your experience connects to the human experience (“Parenting is a hard job, and all parents make mistakes”). Finally, write kind, compassionate words to yourself (“I am doing my best, and I will make mistakes from time to time. I am getting better at recognizing triggers, and I will take steps to repair and reconnect with my child”). 

Engage in acts of self-care. By engaging in self-care activities, such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practicing mindfulness, you are validating that treating yourself with compassion and kindness is essential. Make it a habit to engage in acts of self-care daily. Try setting aside a specific time each day, and be kind to yourself if you skip it!

Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness allows us to be in the moment and observe our experience in a non-judgmental way and without reacting to it. It fosters an acceptance of our experience “as is” and reduces resistance. You can shift your focus to the here and now by paying attention to your breath or by engaging in grounding exercises, such as becoming mindful of your body’s surroundings. Spending time in nature holds many opportunities for conscious observation, mindful awareness, and appreciation. 

Tips to help your child practice self-compassion:

Model self-compassion. Children learn what they see, so they find opportunities to demonstrate self-compassion. You may say aloud, “oh, I made a mistake with the recipe ingredients, and the cake has sunk. Oh well, we all make mistakes sometimes, and I’ll try to be more mindful next time”. Or at the dinner table, “I feel disappointed because I wasn’t on my A-game at work today. I know that everyone feels this way sometimes, and I can try to do things differently tomorrow”.

Foster a Growth Mindset. People who have a growth mindset believe in their ability to improve their skills with effort and practice. Help your child realistically assess their strengths and weaknesses and identify areas for growth and improvement. You can ask them to respond to setbacks in encouraging and discouraging ways.

Help your child externalize their inner critic. We all have an inner critic in us. Giving it a name or drawing what our inner critic may look like allows your child to separate themselves from it and gain control over it. Encourage your child to talk back to their inner critic and say, “I may struggle in math, but there are different types of smarts. I’m a hard worker, and I can ask for help”. 

-Posted by Yasmin Meyers

The post For This New Year’s Resolution, Consider Adding a Self-Compassion Goal  appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

Sleep

If a child does not get enough sleep, the different parts of their brains have a harder time working well and “talking” to each other. Sleep is important for the different parts of the brain that work on memory, attention, thinking, emotions, behavior, and deciding if something is a good choice. While sleep is important for everyone, it is especially important for kids with ADHD, because lack of sleep can cause the symptoms of ADHD to be worse (such as focus, attention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, irritability). Without enough sleep, kids are likely to struggle at home, school, and with their friends. They will have difficulty focusing in class, learning and remembering the lessons, and may not remember the answers for a test. Kids will probably have trouble controlling their emotions, and may have more behavior problems. It’s important to make sure that your child gets at least 8 hours of sleep each night. One way to help your child get enough sleep is to start a bedtime routine. Try to make sure your child goes to bed at the same time every night. Dr. Nowell says that kids should not have any screen time 2 hours before bed. Screens turn on the “awake” part of our brain, so you need to give the brain time to calm down and be ready for bed. Because of this, remove all TV or screens from the bedroom. About 30 minutes to one hour before bedtime, start the bedtime routine. For many families, this routine looks like taking a bath, changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, and reading a book with a parent.

Diet

One of the best things you can do for the diet is to eat less sugar and more protein. Protein is in foods like meat, fish, eggs, beans, nuts, and dairy products like cheese and yogurt. Protein helps the different parts of the brain communicate better, and helps lower hyperactivity (high energy) and impulsivity (doing things without thinking).  If you’re in a rush and don’t have time to cook a chicken breast or make some rice and beans, Dr. Nowell suggests packing cheese sticks – an easy, hassle-free option for protein throughout the day. You could also try low-sugar protein bars or shakes, or a handful of nuts.

Screen Time vs. Green Time

Studies show that too much screen time and video games increase symptoms of ADHD. On the other side, research has shown that exercise and time outside (“Green Time”) reduces symptoms of ADHD. Does this mean that kids with ADHD should never be allowed to use their phones, watch TV, or play video games? No! Just make sure that you keep the screen time to a reasonable amount, and spend as much time as possible outside playing. Most professionals recommend no more than 30 minutes to 2 hours per day depending on the child’s age.

Make Things Visual

If someone struggles with ADHD, it can be difficult to keep organized. Try using clear storage organizers and drawer dividers. This helps keep things organized, helps you and your child find things more easily, and lets you know what you have.

Kids have a hard time understanding the concept of time and how long things take. So, when you tell your child that they have 15 minutes of video game time, this doesn’t mean much to them. There are visual timers like the Time Timer and the Time Tracker Mini hat help kids understand how much time they have left for an activity. If you don’t have one of these timers with you, you can also use an example that makes sense to them (“You have 30 minutes left to play. That’s the same amount of time as one episode of BeyBlade”)

Time Timer/Time Tracker Mini

Even with the best of intentions, sometimes it’s hard to remember things in our head – especially if we have ADHD. If your child has trouble remembering to do things, try putting up visual reminders. This may be a checklist of things to do in the morning, or a picture on the bathroom door reminding them to wash their hands.

Earned Incentives

Kids respond well to positive rewards and incentives for their behavior. I often hear from parents, “I’ve tried star charts. They don’t work for my kid.” If this is the case in your family, don’t give up on positive rewards! Usually if a “star chart” system hasn’t worked in the past, it’s because the reward was too far away, the incentive didn’t seem worth it to the kid, or there were too many things the child had to do to earn a reward or star.

The first step to creating a reward system for your child is to decide what things are unconditional – what things your child doesn’t have to do anything to earn. These are usually things like love, respect, safety, three meals a day, basic clothing, 30 minutes of play time, etc. Then decide what things are earned (special food like favorite candy, trendy clothes, new toys, extra video game time, etc.).

Now for the reward part – Choose ONE behavior that is challenging for your child (such as brushing their teeth, flushing the toilet, getting dressed in the morning before the bus comes). Each time your child does the behavior, give them a token or card that can be redeemed for their earned incentive of choice. Once they are consistently doing the behavior, choose a new goal. The most important things to remember are to work on one goal at a time, and keep the rewards immediate. As your child gets older or gets a better understanding of the reward system, they can begin to work towards saving up tokens for longer term goals.

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Relax:

The first step in cooling off is calming our bodies, even just a little.  It is a mighty task to engage our rational minds and decision-making skills as our body’s gear us up for fight, flight, or freeze.  Thus, we must first get our body calm.  Take time to make a list with yourself, your spouse and your child to determine which calming strategies are right for your family.   Does everyone need a break and a place to go to take a few deep breathes, can you all count down from 10 together, or do you like to use fidget toys to squeeze out the tension?  Grounding, i.e., bringing our minds back to the present, can be particularly helpful as our minds are usually whirling with “what ifs.”  A simple grounding technique called 5-4-3-2-1 engages many of our senses to draw thought back to the here and now. Start by naming 5 things you can see in the room, then 4 things you can feel with your sense of touch, then 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and finally 1 thing you can taste.  The last two can be your favorite smells and taste if nothing is present.  Tip: Practicing relaxing strategies every day, even when calm, can build muscle memory and make them easier to access when in the heat of the moment.

Distract:

Distraction can be a wonderful strategy.  Finding something other than our worries to focus on, like a favorite tv show, book, or song can be tremendously calming.  Other distraction options include texting a friend, playing on electronics, or exercising.   Keep in mind, distraction is not the same as avoidance/numbing.  If you are worried about an elevator stopping, helpful distraction is chatting with a friend while on the ride, while avoidance would be taking the stairs.  Similarly, we can watch a tv show or play on our phone for a half hour, but 7 hours into a binge we know that we are trying to numb out the worry.

Cope:

Once your body is back to a low to moderate stress level, then we can begin to cope.  Coping means something different for everyone, and usually involves some form of facing our fears and thinking through situations in a more realistic way.  This means finding helpful thoughts and alternatives to the narratives that anxiety is telling us, using calming skills, and slowly and intentionally facing our fears.  Create a coping plan with a professional, or refer to resources, such as Anxiety Free Kids by Bonnie Zucker, Ph.D., Freeing your Child from Anxiety by Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., or reliable online sources such as https://anxietycanada.com/.

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