When people seek therapy during times like these, they often assume they are “not handling it well.” They wonder why they feel anxious, sad, angry, or uncertain—even when the change is something they wanted. Recognizing these reactions as normal can help reduce self-judgment and foster self-compassion.

In reality, these reactions are often exactly what we would expect.

There Is No “Right” Way to Feel.

Most transitions bring mixed emotions. Relief may exist alongside grief. Excitement may coexist with fear. Even positive changes involve letting go of the familiar.

Rather than asking yourself whether your feelings are reasonable, it can be more helpful to become curious about them. What are they telling you? What are you afraid of losing? What matters so much that this transition has touched it?

Our emotions often point toward the people, roles, relationships, and values that have been important to us.

We Naturally Hold On to What Feels Safe

When life changes, most of us try to regain our footing as quickly as possible. We search for certainty, replay decisions, imagine worst-case scenarios, or wish things could simply go back to the way they were.

These responses are understandable. They are usually attempts to protect ourselves.

The challenge is that no amount of worrying can eliminate uncertainty. Sometimes the most healing step is not finding immediate answers, but gradually becoming more able to live with questions that have not yet been resolved. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, or seeking support can help build this resilience.

Small Steps Matter

Major transitions can feel overwhelming. Looking too far ahead often increases anxiety.

Instead, it can help to ask a simpler question:

What is one step I can take today?

That step may be making a phone call, updating a résumé, reaching out to a friend, returning to a familiar routine, or simply getting outside for a walk.

Small actions rarely solve everything, but they remind us that we are not powerless.

Relationships Help Us Find Our Way

Periods of change are easier to navigate when we do not face them alone.

Being with someone who listens without rushing to solve the problem can help us organize our own thoughts and emotions. Often, we become clearer simply because someone has taken the time to understand our experience.

Whether that support comes from family, friends, a faith community, or a therapist, feeling understood can make uncertainty much easier to bear and help you feel less alone.

Transitions Invite Reflection

Although transitions are disruptive, they also invite us to pause.

What matters most?

What kind of relationships do I want to cultivate?

What do I hope my life reflects going forward?

These questions rarely have immediate answers, and that’s okay. They are less about making dramatic changes than about becoming more intentional as life unfolds.

Moving Forward

Most transitions do not resolve quickly. There are often periods when little seems to be happening, even though important emotional work is taking place beneath the surface.

Looking back, many people discover that they became more compassionate, more grounded, or more connected to what truly matters—not because the transition was easy, but because they allowed themselves to move through it rather than around it. Reflecting on these insights can foster a sense of personal growth and resilience.

While we cannot prevent change, approaching it with patience rather than urgency can help you feel more reassured and confident in your ability to navigate uncertainty.

-Posted by Lori Rothfeld, JD, LMSW

Lori is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, a practice that provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Navigating Transitions: Making Sense of Change appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

A Complex Stage for Aging Families

As parents age, families-regardless of structure or cultural background-navigate a range of decisions and emotions, often all at once, and therapy can provide support and guidance.

The practical questions:

• How do we think about safety and independence?
• Who will help with what?
• What needs to be put in place legally—wills, power of attorney, medical directives?

And emotional undercurrents:

• Worry about parental decline
• Discomfort talking about illness or mortality
• Old family roles reappearing

Even in families that generally function well, this stage can feel challenging.

Common Challenges for Adult Siblings and Aging Parents

While every family is different, some patterns tend to emerge.

Different views of responsibility
One person may step in quickly and take on a lot. Another may hold back, either out of disagreement, distance, or uncertainty. Over time, this can lead to frustration on both sides.

Old roles re-emerging
Families often fall into familiar positions. One sibling might fall into their role of organizer; another might question decisions. “Outsiders” might feel left out again. 

Different ways of facing aging
Some parents prioritize maintaining independence, while others are more open to help. Adult children also vary—some want to discuss issues, and others find it hard to have these conversations.

Practical decisions with emotional weight
Legal and medical decisions, such as wills, powers of attorney, and medical or placement decisions, are often pressing. Therapy can help families navigate decisions and address underlying concerns and feelings such as fear, anger, or a sense of unfairness in the process.

Indirect communication and family tension
It’s common for people to talk about each other rather than with each other, creating misunderstandings that build over time.

How Family Therapy Supports Aging Families

Later-life family therapy can ease fear and tension, making family members feel more supported during this demanding stage of life.

A therapist can help by:

• Making space for each person’s perspective
  Families often feel relief when everyone has a chance to express themselves.
• Slowing down difficult conversations
  When things feel urgent, conversations can become reactive. Therapy helps families move more thoughtfully.
• Clarifying roles and expectations
  Clarifying tasks and what each can expect from the other makes responsibilities clearer, helping families feel relieved and reducing feelings of overwhelm.
• “Translating” accusations into underlying concerns
  Therapists can help families understand comments like “You’re not doing enough” to reflect the worry, fear, or sense of aloneness they reveal.
• Supporting shared decision-making
  Therapy supports shared decision-making, helping families feel more empowered and confident in making collaborative choices.

The Opportunities in This Stage of Family Life

This stage can be stressful, but it also offers opportunities for meaningful shifts that can inspire hope and motivate families toward growth.

Siblings may come to appreciate each other’s efforts in new ways.
Parents and adult children can begin relating more as adults, rather than through older roles.
Conversations families may have avoided may become more possible.

Even modest changes—clearer communication, more balanced responsibility, a moment of recognition—can ease the strain and create a greater sense of connection.

A Place to Come Together

Many families try to manage challenges on their own, often during moments of urgency. Therapy offers a place to step out of that pressure and think more clearly together.

It doesn’t remove the realities of aging or caregiving. But it can help families face those realities with more coordination, less tension, and a stronger sense that they are working together.

-Posted by Jonah Green

Jonah Green, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Later-Life Family Therapy: Helping Aging Families Navigate Change Together appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

Listening can transform relationships. When someone feels genuinely heard, their nervous system settles, defensiveness softens, and something shifts. Conversations move from attack and retreat—or from listless information exchanges—to a feeling of being known.

Ximena Vengoechea’s 2021 book Listen Like You Mean It offers practical strategies to improve your listening and foster clarity, connection, and trust.

Here are a few ideas from the book that can strengthen your listening skills and deepen your relationships:

Cultivate a Listening Mindset

Good listening begins with curiosity—notice emotions as well as content, and let others take the lead. Open-ended questions like “What was that like for you?” or “Tell me more” encourage deeper sharing and understanding.

Stay Present

Maintaining a present focus strengthens the connection between you and the person you’re speaking with. Notice distractions and gently bring your attention back to the conversation. Paraphrasing, summarizing, and asking for clarification can help you stay grounded and engaged.

Observe Beyond Words

Tone, posture, and facial expressions often reveal unspoken feelings. Noticing these cues and wondering about the feelings behind them can enhance attunement and understanding.

Know What the Speaker Is Asking For

We all have familiar conversational modes—fixing, validating, analyzing. But people don’t always want the default mode we use. A simple clarifier—“What would be most helpful right now?”—can prevent misunderstandings and make the interaction feel collaborative.

Deepen, Reflect, and Guide Gently

Exploratory questions—“What part was hardest?” “What stands out most now?”—invite reflection. Brief reflections (“It sounds like what touched you was…”) help people feel heard. Gentle redirecting can keep things moving: “You mentioned wanting to return to something else—shall we shift there?”

Attune to Your Emotional Barriers

We all carry emotional filters—wounds, assumptions, anxieties—that shape what we hear. Vengoechea notes that listeners often lose presence not because they’re careless, but because something within them is activated. A past hurt, an insecurity, or a quick judgment can narrow our attention. Noticing internal cues—tightening in the chest, irritation rising, a rush to rebut—helps us pause and re-center. Acknowledging these reactions allows us to return to the conversation with greater focus, humility, and compassion.

Honor Your Limits

Good listening takes energy. Vengoechea emphasizes the importance of pacing yourself, setting boundaries, and recognizing when you need a break. Being mindful of your limits helps you listen effectively without burnout and maintain a genuine connection over time.

Applying These Ideas

You can apply the ideas in Listen Like You Mean It across settings—family, work, or social interactions. Small efforts such as staying curious or setting boundaries can enhance listening in each context, strengthening trust and connection throughout your relationships.

When we listen like we mean it, we don’t just improve conversations—we transform the relationships that matter most.

-Posted by Jonah Green

Jonah Green, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Listening to Transform Relationships appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

Stepfamilies are often born in transition and pain, arriving after divorce, separation, or loss. Blending a new family means juggling a swirl of tasks: establishing routines, balancing loyalties, negotiating boundaries, and developing traditions.

As I wrote in my post Step-by-Step for Stepfamily Success, these tasks are especially delicate for stepparents. They require patience, not to push or demand love, but to cultivate humility and gain consent from multiple family members before taking the next step. The role requires a willingness to keep showing up even when tensions run high.

The Challenges Stepfamilies Face

Bonnell and Papernow, in The Stepfamily Handbook, describe challenges that often weigh on families:

• Insider/outsider dynamics: Stepparents may feel invisible, while children may feel deprived of attention; remarried parents often feel “caught in the middle.”

• Conflicts over loyalty: children may fear that affection towards one adult betrays the loyalty of another.

• Conflicting styles: stepparents seek respect, while biological parents may lean toward leniency.

• Blending traditions: Merging cultures takes time, especially when dealing with ethnic or religious differences.

• Outside influence: ex-spouses and in-laws can support or undermine the fledgling family.

With such delicate and complex tasks, constructing a functional stepfamily is a process that requires attunement towards multiple needs and patience. 

The Story of Freely Chosen Love

And yet there is another story to tell about stepfamilies—one of possibility.

Paisley’s He Didn’t Have to Be is an anthem to perhaps the most poignant quality of stepfamily life: love freely chosen. The stepfather in the song teaches, guides, and cares—not because he has to, but because he has decided to.

Stepparents have no legal or traditional mandate to offer love. And yet many do, freely giving and receiving it. The power of freely chosen love can build something extraordinary.

How Stepparent–Stepchild Love Grows

Stepparents can nurture love through small, steady choices:

• Cheering from the bleachers, even when the child avoids eye contact.

• Showing up to help with homework without expecting thanks.

• Keeping the door open with warmth, even when a child remains guarded.

• Speaking kindly about the child’s other parent.

At the same time, stepparents must resist stepping into discipline—or even too much nurturance—too soon. These roles are best led by the biological parent, at least initially, while the stepparent focuses on building trust and fostering connection.

The biological parent plays a vital role: insisting the child treat the stepparent with respect, and modeling that the stepparent is trustworthy. With patience and consistency, an environment of safety and respect can be fostered, allowing love to flourish.

The Possibility of Enrichment

When stepfamilies approach these tasks—building trust slowly, respecting children’s existing bonds, and allowing relationships to unfold at their own pace—the rewards can be profound.

Stepfamily love is a testament to human generosity. It is the enrichment of lives intertwined by choice, not blood. New constellations of family, defined by mutual respect and shared experiences, can cohere.

A Story Worth Singing About

Stepparents don’t inherit ready-made roles. They co-create them with the other adults and children in the family. When they attune to children’s needs, take into account the thoughts and feelings of other adults, demonstrate patience, and offer steady, freely chosen love, that love takes on a special meaning—a story worth singing about.

Paisley’s song captures this enduring influence. When the stepson grows up and has a child of his own, he looks back at his stepfather as the model, hoping to be “half the dad” that his stepfather “didn’t have to be.”

-Posted by Jonah Green

Jonah Green, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Freely Chosen Love: The Unique Potential of Stepparent–Stepchild Relationships appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

You have a choice at that moment. You can reply with a quick, “Uh-huh” while continuing to focus on your meal and move on to the next topic on your mind, or you could follow your partner’s gaze and respond with, “Oh yeah, that’s a beautiful bird!”

That small act of attunement can predict the future of your relationship with your partner. You may not realize it, but that was their bid for connection. 

What are Bids for Connection:

Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned clinical psychologist known for his breakthrough research on relationships, has observed couples in his “Love Lab” for over 40 years. He found a significant indicator of how likely a couple will stay together long-term: How well they respond to one another’s bids for connection.

Bids are verbal or non-verbal attempts to connect with our loved ones. They can include a physical gesture, a facial expression, a question, or a comment. Some examples of verbal bids may be:

• It’s going to be cold today.
• Are you excited about dinner tomorrow?
• I’m feeling nervous about my presentation. 
• I listened to a great podcast the other day.
• How was your day at work?

Non-verbal bids may include a hug or a kiss, a smile or a wink, eye contact, or a sigh.

Turning Towards

Turning towards or accepting a bid means paying attention to your partner, which helps them feel seen and strengthens trust, as well as emotional and physical connection. It can be as simple as offering a smile, a hug, saying “I hear you; tell me more”, asking a follow-up question, or making a comment. When you turn towards your partner, you deposit in your relationship’s Emotional Bank Account. Building and storing up positive, emotional savings can help your relationship during challenging times.

Based on Gottman’s research, couples in happy, lasting relationships (Relationship Masters) turn towards one another about 86% of the time. In contrast, couples who are more likely to divorce (Relationship Disasters) turn towards one another only about one-third of the time. 

Turning Away and Turning Against 

Even the most loving, attuned couples turn away from one another’s bids for connection some of the time. In a world where constant distractions are literally in the palms of our hands, and multitasking has become part of our day-to-day reality, it is easy to miss our partners’ attempts for attention. Turning away occurs when we offer preoccupied responses, such as “Uh-huh” or a disinterested “Yes”, or even complete silence. 

Per Gottman, “Unlike Turning Away, Turning Against has a bite to it” and often takes the form of sarcasm or criticism. Whether someone intends to “bite” or is merely feeling irritable at the moment, turning against can feel hurtful to the partner. 

The good news is that we can learn to pay attention to our partners’ bids for connection by looking for those comments, questions, and gestures. We can practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, allowing our loved ones to finish their sentences, asking follow-up questions, and providing validation when needed. Saying “Sounds tough”, “You seem excited”, or even “Oh, yeah” may be all it takes to help our partners feel seen and heard. We can also gently say, “I was making a bid for connection” as a way to give our partners the benefit of the doubt and help them recognize our attempts to get their attention. 

The Bird Test

Dr. Gottman’s Bids for Connection became viral when TikTok users put their partners to the test by pointing out a bird (verbal bid for connection) and filming their reactions. If the partner engaged by asking, “Where?” or showing more interest in the bird, they had an increased likelihood of staying together longer based on Gottman’s research.  

While I’m not suggesting that you put your partner to the test, most of us would benefit from practicing mindfulness in the presence of our loved ones. It could be as simple as putting your phone away when your partner walks into the room or starts a conversation with you. If you recognize that you had turned away, you may say, “I’m sorry, I was preoccupied. Could you repeat that?” That act of Repair, an attempt to reconnect and prevent negativity, is another predictor of relationship longevity according to the Gottman Method.

So next time your partner points out a bird, mentions something of interest to them, or raises a concern, try to turn towards them mindfully. Making small, ongoing deposits in your emotional bank account can strengthen your relationship and the nest you have built for years to come. 

Posted by Yasmin Meyers, LCSW-C

Yasmin is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland. The practice serves clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Look at That Bird: Turning Towards Bids for Connection to Improve Your Relationship  appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.