Managing Mood and Regulating Emotions Archives - Jonah Green and Associates

Dialectical Behavior Therapy and the “Wise Mind”

Therapists at Jonah Green and Associates — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 19:40:19 +0000

Different Modes of Mind

Our minds tend to operate in different modes depending on the situation. Dialectical Behavior Therapy describes these modes as “rational mind,” “emotional mind,” and “wise mind.” When we lead from the rational mind, we focus on facts and logic. Asked to solve a math problem, for example, and we rely on rational thinking to arrive at an answer. The emotional mind, on the other hand, is ruled by feelings and urges. When we are emotional, it can become harder to access the facts of a situation. For some of us, our “emotional mind” takes over when we catastrophize and declare that things will never get better or the worst possible outcome will definitely happen. At other times, we may rely only on logic and facts, detaching from our emotions in ways that make it harder to understand and communicate what we are truly feeling or needing. Therapy helps us understand that we can use these modes and balance them through specific techniques, which increases our ability to respond adaptively in various situations.

The Wise Mind

In between these two polarities is the “wise mind,” the balance between the rational mind and the emotional mind. It allows us to draw on both facts and feelings while honoring our emotional experiences. When we listen to both logic and emotion, we create space to relate to our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment and avoidance. This balance can empower us to approach challenges with greater confidence and understanding.

Therapy and the Wise Mind

Dialectical behavior therapy can encourage us to connect with the wise mind. By slowing down and examining our automatic reactions, giving voice to feelings that may have been beneath the surface or thoughts that may have gone unspoken, we can begin to observe our internal system with more distance and clarity. From this place of greater awareness, we can start to recognize the wisdom within our emotions and understand what they may be trying to communicate or protect. While this process can sometimes be challenging or uncomfortable, persistence and patience help us develop the skills needed to listen more effectively to both our emotional and rational minds, ultimately fostering greater confidence, clarity, and compassion in handling life’s challenges.

-Posted by Lydia Sander

Lydia Sander is an MSW Intern with Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.

Taking a Break for Self-Care

Walking The Middle Path: Striving For Balance in Parenting

The post Dialectical Behavior Therapy and the “Wise Mind” appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

When Everyone is Reactive: How Parents and Children Can Build Resilience Together

Therapists at Jonah Green and Associates — Sun, 18 Jan 2026 22:01:22 +0000

Amelia and Hunter hadn’t spoken to each other for a couple of days. An argument about bedtime with their son had lingered, leaving both parents irritable and emotionally distant.

A few mornings later, their six-year-old, Felix, asked his father quietly, “Daddy… why aren’t you talking to Mommy?”

“I’m busy with work,” his dad replied, gently closing the door to his home office on his son.

Felix wandered into the kitchen to find his mother gathering her things for the school drop-off. “We’re running late,” she said. “Get your jacket, backpack, and put your shoes on!”

Felix began to obey, then sat down by the front door and stared at his shoes. His stomach felt tigh and he did not like it. “Mom,” he called out, “I need help with my shoes.”

“We’ve been through this before, Felix,” she said in an exasperated tone. “You know how to tie them. Please hurry—we have to leave.”

“But I don’t know how!” he insisted.

“Felix, put your shoes on right now or there will be no screen time after school!”

Now overwhelmed and angry, Felix grabbed one shoe and slammed it onto the floor.

“What are you doing?!” his mother exclaimed. “That’s it—no screen time. Get your things. We’re leaving.”

Tears welling up, Felix put on his backpack, tucked his jacket under his arm, picked up his shoes, and followed his mother to the car.

What’s Happening in Moments Like This?

In this scene, being difficult is not the main driver for anyone. Each family member has gone beyond their level of emotional resilience during interactions with others.

Resilience is our capacity to handle stress, stay emotionally regulated, and think clearly under the pressure of real-time interactions. Considering family arguments from this point of view can help families get a hold of their minds, build stronger connections, and manage challenges better.

When that happens, both children and adults may react in ways they later regret—not because they don’t care, but because their nervous system is overloaded.

Why Family Stress So Easily Spreads

Families are deeply interconnected mentally. When one person is stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally shut down, others often feel it too. A tense relationship between parents doesn’t stay contained—it quietly shapes a child’s sense of safety and developing ability to self-regulate.

Parents know this feeling well: the moment you become convinced that your child or partner is the problem, and that if they would just behave differently, everything would be fine. That’s often a sign that stress has taken over the parent and their own flexibility has dropped.

When this happens, it can feel hard for anyone to calm down on their own. Family members can unintentionally keep each other stuck in reactive patterns, even when everyone wants things to be better.

Resilience includes not just how much stress we can tolerate, but also how quickly we can recover once we’re overwhelmed.

Stressful Moments Can Be Used to Build Resilience

When we’re overwhelmed, it rarely feels like an opportunity. It feels like failure, frustration, or exhaustion. But these moments—handled earnestly—can actually help children and parents grow stronger together.

Just like muscles grow when you challenge them and need time to recover, emotional resilience grows when stress is present but manageable. Too little stress, and there’s no growth. Too much stress, and everyone goes into survival mode.

Children build resilience best when they experience stress with support. They don’t need parents to be perfect—they need parents who can notice when things are getting hard, slow things down, and face their own challenges. When parents succeed in self-regulating in front of their kids, they empower their children to develop their own resilience.

The same is true for parents.

Learning to recognize when stress is taking over and to respond with tolerance, or even curiosity, rather than urgency or punishment can gradually strengthen a family’s ability to weather everyday challenges. Over time, these small moments can improve emotional regulation, connection, and a family’s overall sense of well-being.

Posted by Aron Carlson, LCSW-C

Aron is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which offers therapy services for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, serving clients in Montgomery County, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post When Everyone is Reactive: How Parents and Children Can Build Resilience Together appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

Nervous System Regulation: Ideas for Parents

Therapists at Jonah Green and Associates — Fri, 04 Apr 2025 14:44:48 +0000

As a child and family therapist, I have often observed that the most formidable challenge for parents when interacting with their children lies in their nervous system. A person’s nervous system governs how they make sense of interactions and generate effective solutions. This system responds to internal and external cues, influenced by past experiences and the present moment. At its core, the nervous system aims to ensure protection and connection with others.

However, parents can work with their nervous systems, especially during heightened emotional arousal. Children (and partners!) can challenge parents’ nervous systems, pushing them to mature and function at higher levels. Parenting, with its daily stressors and responsibilities, is a natural testing ground for this development. Understanding the biological basis of this process can help parents address emotional dysregulation more effectively, and in doing so, they can grow and become more capable in their roles.

Emotional Dysregulation in Parenting

In family dynamics, especially during everyday stresses like chores, homework, or bedtime routines, it’s not uncommon for one family member to lose their emotional balance. When this happens, the likelihood of other family members becoming dysregulated increases, especially in proximity. For example, suppose you continually remind your child to pick up their dirty laundry. In that case, your nervous system may become overwhelmed, and your co-parent, even in a nearby room, could also be affected.

This emotional imbalance tends to escalate power struggles, which in turn increase anxiety in the family system. As family members get caught in a cycle of emotional reactivity, stress hormones like cortisol are released, intensifying the dysfunction. The key to breaking this cycle is recognizing when your nervous system is activated. This recognition can give you a sense of control and enable you to pause before things escalate, reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Tips for Managing Your Nervous System as a Parent

Notice Shifts in Emotion and Sensation
If you suddenly feel irritable, tense, frustrated, or anxious, pay attention to the physical sensations in your body—heat, tightness, or tingling. Recognizing these sensations early on can be a reliable signal that emotional dysregulation is on the rise. Identifying this shift in real time can help you step back before the situation escalates.
Identify Your Thoughts
Observe the following thoughts once you notice a shift in your emotional state. It’s common for parents to think, “I don’t know what I’m doing as a parent,” or “My child must be abnormal.” These thoughts may feel convincing, but are often inaccurate when your nervous system is activated. The brain tends to become polarized in these moments, interpreting situations as more threatening than they are. By recognizing these thought patterns, such as self-doubt or negative assumptions about your child’s behavior, you can slow down and avoid making decisions from a reactive state.
Check Your Breathing
When you feel emotionally off-balance, take a moment to notice your breathing. How frequently are you inhaling and exhaling? Typically, when stressed, people breathe shallowly or unevenly. Shallow breathing contributes to the stress response. Focus on deepening, slowing your breath, and finding a rhythm to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body and mind, helping you think more clearly and act more effectively.

Conclusion: A Path to Resilience

Managing your nervous system’s response to everyday challenges can be demanding, but it is essential for navigating complex family dynamics. By consciously working with your nervous system, you can approach challenging situations more effectively and cultivate resilience in your children. Helping your children develop the ability to manage stress and pressure is one of the greatest gifts you can offer them. This gift is earned through your growth and self-awareness, which can help you better understand and connect with your children’s needs.

Posted by Aron Carlson, LCSW-C

Aron is a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, which provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as for clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

The post Nervous System Regulation: Ideas for Parents appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

The Therapeutic Power of Playing with Your Kids

Therapists at Jonah Green and Associates — Sun, 25 Feb 2024 21:52:22 +0000

The therapeutic power of playing with your kids—and how to get started

Play is children’s primary language and the foundation of adequate mental health treatments for kids. As a child and family therapist, I rely on the magic of play to treat kids with a wide range of difficulties, such as anxiety, depression, behavioral issues, insecure attachment, post-traumatic stress, and grief. Like many evidence-based treatments to support children’s mental health, play therapy is more effective when parents or caregivers get involved.

Engaging children in child-centered play benefits children who come to see a therapist and can also help every child thrive. Child-centered play can help children process life events, better understand themselves and others, develop greater emotional intelligence, increase self-esteem, foster connection with caregivers, and build emotional self-regulation skills.

Parents, relatives, and caregivers also have much to gain from child-centered play. Playing strengthens the caregiver-child connection. Child-centered play is a form of mindfulness—a well-known stress reducer among adults—in which adults strive to bring their thoughts and attention to the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. In addition, child-centered play with your child may involve physical touch, which releases oxytocin and promotes well-being. It’s suitable for both parties.

With my own three kids, I find that a dose of special child-centered time with each kid at least once a week strengthens our connection, reduces sibling rivalry, enhances my patience as a parent, increases my children’s likelihood of following my leadership, and keeps our family running more smoothly. Here are some tips to get started:

Leave your cares behind: Put away your phone, take a few deep belly breaths, and prepare yourself to be fully present and immersed in your child’s play. Child-centered play works best when the focus is on just one child at a time, so organize a playdate or childcare for any other siblings in the home or send them out with a partner or another relative if one is available.
Set a timer: Consider the amount of time you comfortably have—30-60 minutes is excellent, but even 10-15 minutes is beneficial—so you don’t have to watch the clock or worry about other responsibilities. Set a timer for the end time and one and five minutes before the end so that you can give your child two warnings before ending your special playtime.
Follow your child: Let your child know that during their unique play, they can do almost anything they want, and assure them that if there’s something they can’t do, you will let them know. Then, watch your child and even “sportscast” out loud what they are doing. If they want you to role-play a part and you are comfortable doing it, go for it! This will allow them to express themselves more freely and connect with you in a special moment.
Be permissive within reason: Allow your child to lead the play session unless it is unsafe, likely to damage property, uncomfortable for you, or involves items that are off limits (e.g., screens). Play can be a powerful way to enable children to safely and productively express big feelings such as anger, sadness, frustration, and worry—feelings they need to know are OK to have and express as long as they are expressed appropriately.
Lean into empathy: Reflect out loud the feelings they express through their play, their characters’ emotions, and their desires and intentions in the play. It’s OK to get it wrong sometimes, as long as you are willing to accept corrections. This reinforces that all feelings are OK and helps them learn to talk about feelings rather than bottle them up or act out.
Be kind and firm in setting limits: If the play becomes dangerous or uncomfortable to you, set a limit. An “empathy sandwich” is a great tool to “connect and correct.” First, reflect on what they want to do in a positive and understanding way. Next, tell them they may not do the behavior. Finally, reflect on their reaction to being told they can’t. For example, if your child is trying to jump on you, say, “You think it would be fun to jump on me! One thing that you may not do is jump on me. Oh, you’re disappointed you can’t jump on me.” If your child continues the behavior, let them know (still using an empathy sandwich) that you will have to end special playtime if they continue. If the child continues, you can kindly and firmly end the play time using an empathy sandwich. Try not to get discouraged if this happens—it’s part of the learning process for kids to test limits. It will be a helpful lesson in forgiveness and the enduring nature of parental love when you try again another day.
Delight in your child’s world: Child-centered play is a great way to spend quality time with your child and learn about their inner world. At times, you may notice that some of the themes of their play relate to events happening in your family or at school. At other times, they may give you a glimpse of interests, events, and feelings you were unaware of. Whatever the case, delighting in your child during special times can strengthen your bond and enhance your connection throughout the week.

I’ve provided a series of tips, but I’ll be the first to acknowledge that there is no right way to play. The most important thing is to enjoy time with your child, so schedule a time, try it, and reap the benefits of play!

Posted by Jamie Rosen, a therapist at Jonah Green and Associates, LLC, who provides therapy for children, teens, families, and adults in North Bethesda, Maryland, as well as clients in Chevy Chase, Montgomery County, Washington, DC, and the surrounding areas.

*Note: Many of these tips are adapted from concepts in filial family therapy, as taught through professional workshops by the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement.”

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Regulating Your Dysregulated Child with Co-Regulation

Therapists at Jonah Green and Associates — Fri, 11 Aug 2023 13:56:38 +0000

Learning to de-escalate our emotions alongside our children’s escalating feelings is the most essential parenting skill we can learn. Dysregulation calls for connection, and when kids dysregulate, we naturally correct them, thereby disconnecting. We may cultivate short-term compliance but also disrupt our relationship with them and lose the opportunity to foster self-regulation skills. When fear motivates a child to “behave,” it can lead to avoidance, resentment, and negative self-talk. Children move into the more primal part of their brain, centered on survival. Instead, children need support to move toward their mid and upper brains to regulate their emotions.

Children live primarily in their lower region (Brain stem – Am I safe) and mid-brain region (Limbic system – Am I loved).

The lower brain asks,” Am I safe?”

Focus on pre-verbal, right-brained, nonverbal communication to speak to children acting from their lower brain regions. Ground yourself close to the ground while remaining at eye level or below. Be minimal with your words and offer a hug or sit with them as they let out their tears. Landreth (2012) illuminates a relationship’s four essential healing messages, “I am here, I hear you, I understand, I care.”

The Midbrain region asks, “Am I loved?”

Children in this emotional state crave connection. Speak with intention when communicating. Be mindful of your tone as you offer a message of acceptance, “Help me understand.” Get curious! Employ attachment-enhancing activities to enhance your capacity to hold your child’s upsets and, ultimately, increase their window of tolerance. “Let’s use this lotion here to heal old and new ouchies” or “We can sit together and blow bubbles.” For more ideas, visit the Theraplay® YouTube channel.

The upper brain region asks, “What can I learn from this?”

As your child repeatedly witnesses your self-regulation and their higher brain develops, they will learn from your modeling.

How do we model self-regulation?

Connect to yourself if your child acts out irritability, anger, or sadness. Mindfully engage, and narrate how you are doing so. You might say, “I’m feeling frustrated right now. I will take deep breaths to help myself calm down.” Your child will borrow your more relaxed breath, body, and tone of voice to manage their emotions and, in turn, their behavior (Bruce Perry, 2021). As you attune and understand your child, their nervous system will feel safe and secure so that they can learn self-regulation skills.

How do we move from self-regulation to “co-regulation”?

Co-regulation, or regulating you and your child’s emotions, naturally flows out of self-regulation. When responding to your child, match their affect, then bring your voice/tone/body language down in the rest of your retort.

Example: Your child throws their arms up and screams, “I don’t want to clean my room!”

Response: You don’t want to clean your room! (match tone, throw arms up in the same manner)

….” because you’re still playing Minecraft…” (stated with slightly reduced tone and body language)

…….. “it’s not fair……” (said with even more reduced tone and body language)

…….. “and you have a rare Netherite tool to craft.” (stated with calm)

Activities to develop regulation skills:

Mindfulness – Use all five senses to engage in a grounding technique: name five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. Splash cool water on your face or squeeze a pillow.
Breath – Vocalize, “I am feeling frustrated/overwhelmed. I’m going to take a breathing break.” Engaging in slow, rhythmic, diaphragmatic breathing or gargling activates the vagus nerve by activating the muscles in the back of the throat while exhaling slowly.
Movement – Practice gentle swaying while wrapping your child in a cozy blanket. Bounce, swing, dance, jump on a trampoline, or go for a walk.
Oral – Snack on sour or spicy candies – anything that elevates your nervous system.
Tactile – Clay, stone
Auditory – Create a soothing playlist for you and your child.

The Association for Play Therapy (APT) and the Theraplay® Institute offer more multi-sensory tools designed to increase caregivers’ capacity to hold their child’s upsetness and cultivate secure attachment, depending on which part of the brain their child is in.

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