I can’t hardly get out of bed, I can’t hardly clear my head

Of last night’s spinning, smokey memories

I call in sick to work, I tell ‘em my whole body hurts

Yeah, I think this drinkin’ just might be the death of me.

Towards the end of the song, we realize that the singer is not a drinker; instead, these ill effects are due to her partner’s drinking:

I swear that every bottle you bring home

Leaves me feeling that much more alone…

No, I never touch the stuff, but, honey, I’ll tell you what

You can’t count all the ways it touches me 

As McKenna’s song graphically illustrates,  the tragedy and disruption accompanying compulsive or destructive behaviors or the use of substances can devastate individuals, families, and loved ones. People with addiction may neglect caretaking, vocational, and other responsibilities; they may withdraw emotionally, lash out verbally or physically, and get in legal trouble. Family members may experience painful anger, hurt, loneliness, and anxiety and have problems functioning. They often live in despair of meeting their needs or fear what may happen next. Loved ones may even develop unhealthy coping behaviors; others may unwittingly enable addiction, often out of the desire to avoid conflict.  

But just as they suffer from addiction, family members can be crucial to healing. The love, compassion, and insight of loved ones can powerfully influence the recovery of those with addiction. Family therapy, often used in conjunction with other interventions, can help families break cycles of behavior that are a part of addiction and provide a forum for relationship healing.

Here is what families can expect from family therapy when addiction is involved:

A Focus on the Family as a Whole

In the face of crises such as addiction, families often focus on one or more family members as “the problem.” The family therapist will instead focus on cycles of behavior and communication that sustain negative behaviors and interactions and emphasize each family member’s resilience and strength.

A Forum for Everyone

Family members often have conflicting views about the nature and extent of the family’s problems. Some may think there is “no problem” and that other family members are “exaggerating;” others may maintain that people in the family are “in denial.” Rather than taking sides, the family therapist will help family members clarify their thoughts and feelings and hear others’ thoughts and feelings. 

Young children, too, may be able to participate. While it may not be appropriate for them to take part in every session, therapy can be a place for them to share their feelings about the impact of addiction through words, art, or activities. 

A Focus on Patterns of Interactions

Family therapy starts with the premise that problems, including addiction, are not only centered within individuals but also in the interaction between them. The therapist will help family members examine patterns of behaviors and communication that sustain addiction and other problems and work with families to modify them to generate healing and understanding.

An Emphasis on Strengths and Solutions

Families entering therapy may rightly fear that the therapists may pin the problems on them as the “addict” or “enabler.” Family therapists will develop a forum for people to address challenging issues. Still, they will also identify and amplify each member’s strengths and the aspects of relationships that are supportive and healing, thus reducing defensiveness, raising morale, and charting a path toward positive change. 

Support for Effective Communication

When addiction is present, families often engage in blame in an attempt to express feelings and solve problems. Family therapists help family members to reduce blame, acknowledge others’ points of view, and express their thoughts and feelings with “I-statements.” With the therapist’s help, phrases such as “You never listen to me” may express themselves as “I know I can be tough with you at times, but I’m worried, and I want you to hear me.”  

A Space for Healing

As McKenna shows, addiction can devastate family relationships. Toward the song’s end, she points a way out: 

“The book I’ve been reading says we need to work this out. We need to talk about our problems if we got ‘em.” 

Family therapy can be a tool not only for helping individuals beat addiction but can provide a place to talk to heal wounds and rebuild supportive, caring relationships.

-Posted by Jonah Green

The post A Shared Space for Healing: Family Therapy for Addiction appeared first on Jonah Green and Associates.

However, when daily, non-fatal anxiety enters our lives, the brain amps up and responds with stress hormones similar to those present in times of real danger.  For those with anxiety disorders, this means that the body often feels the same in the face of tests and homework as it does when encountering mountain lions and death-defying cliffs. However, this is anxiety’s little trick, because we all know that while the SATs maybe be scary and overwhelming, they will not lead to imminent peril.

When anxiety strikes and the avoidance instinct kicks in, there are two choices; press forward in small, manageable ways to eventually your way through the stressor, or engage in total avoidance. The trick to managing anxiety is taking path number one, i.e., taking small, doable steps towards facing your fears.  This requires the troublesome task of trading short-term stress for long-term gain.  While option two works (avoidance) in the short term to ease tension, it has a quite a few drawbacks.  If we solely avoid, it will become harder and harder to face our fears, and we will get to a place where faith in ourselves to overcome anxiety becomes quite low.  Dips in self-confidence/self-esteem often follow because of we forget the feeling of pushing ourselves past what we think we are capable of.  The key is never doing it all at once, but rather breaking a task down into what feels like manageable steps and starting a bit at a time.

When it comes to using this strategy in parenting, it can be a tough sell.  Encouraging your kids to do a task they would rather not is hard.  Children really know how to make a great case for avoiding – they can talk, cry, negotiate, and tantrum their way out of many things.  While we do not have to pick every battle, if avoidance becomes a pattern, it may be important to figure out if there is an underlying anxiety that is leading to their evasion behaviors.  Help them get through a tough activity/situation by empathizing with their feelings, while still showing your confidence in their ability to try.   They are also not required to do an entire task all at once, but rather make small steps toward trying.  No one runs a marathon in one day, but the first step is getting off the couch.  Make sure they are armed with anxiety soothing techniques, such as deep breathing strategies, fidget toys, or a calming place to go if they need short breaks.  Positive self- talk, practicing the situation in advance, or identifying a supportive adult can be helpful as well.  Sometimes, simply asking what is making them worried, and making small accommodations to make the situation easier can be a useful way to reduce anxiety.  If avoidance continues to persist, it may to time seek professional help to address the situation.

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